Monday, September 29, 2008

My McDonalds Blind Spot

Here's the growing list of things I wish I could remember about McDonalds before I go there to eat:

1. The fries will be lukewarm and oversalted 94% of the time, leaving me with the distinct feeling of eating cardboard dipped in yummy ketchup.

2. My Big Mac will occasionally have ketchup on it, despite the fact that a large portion of the world population can still recite "two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun" without missing a beat.

3. After gourging myself on any value meal and washing it down with a Diet Coke (oh, the irony...) I will feel bloated, uncomfortable, gassy, and defeated.

4. Two hours after said gourging, I will feel hungry again, but will feel too incredibly guilty for eating the McDonalds food in the first place to possibly consider a snack, no matter how healthy.

5. I cannot complain about anything that is wrong with my food (see #2) because Dan insists it would be a crime against the disabled, as the lady working the front counter is missing several fingers on each hand. So I must simply eat my ketchupy Big Mac and my McFlurry with all of the M&M's not well mixed in, because I would embarrass my husband if I did otherwise.

I'm sure I will be adding to this list as time goes on, because try as I might, I can never bring these things to the forefront of my mind when one of us suggests McDonalds for lunch. They always arrive in a flood after the fact, when I am feeling bloated, greasy, and guilty.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Grocery Grumbles

So I went to the grocery store today to pick up milk, baby cereal, yobaby yogurt, and graduates puffs for Addison... it was raining, so I slung on the hip hammock and plopped her in it so that I could carry her under the umbrella without straining my already strained back.

I walk into the store, carrying Addison and my purse, and grab a basket to carry the groceries. I got everything together and went through the u-scan lane, hoping to get in and out with no problems.

If you know me, you will know that "no problems" is not what happened.

Instead, my coupons will not scan (they were good coupons-- deciding to not use them was not an option). So I'm standing in the u-scan lane with my register light blinking red, waiting for someone to come help me... I ended up standing there, holding my 25-lb. toddler, my purse, and an umbrella for about 5 minutes until someone decides to come over.

If you know me, you will also know that things do not get less irritating.

The lady who came over to help me has the nerve to act like I'M the one making HER life difficult. I'm trying to buy groceries with a legitimate coupon with my legitimate MONEY, and I'M inconveniencing HER?? Newsflash, lady-- YOU WORK HERE.


Moral of the story-- if you're buying groceries with coupons and you're carrying a heavy, squirming, grumpy toddler in a hip hammock slung over your shoulder, do not go through the u-scan-- it will not be faster.

Friday, September 26, 2008

How Did I NOT Know...

...that Jen Lancaster would be featured via Skype on Oprah?

Oh. Right.

I don't watch Oprah.


Maybe I would if there were more Jen?

A New Beginning

So I've decided to scrap my old blog and start fresh... It felt right, as I am no longer "Losing It In Mass." I am "Contentedly Existing in Mass for Now", which isn't as catchy a title. I'll be sticking with "The Church Bulletin" (as my last name is Church... clever, yes?) unless it becomes too confusing for people (I am a Church, I am not blogging for a church...)

Addison is up to her old tricks... she flew about 4 feet across our bedroom today to go head-first into our bed frame. For those of you catching up, this is not the first time she has done this. This is, however, the worst. The sound of her head hitting the metal was so loud, I immediately went into a panic, before she even started screaming. I picked her up immediately, held her close, and walked her out into the living room... when I finally got a look at her face, I realized how terrible it really was. When Dan saw it, he turned white. She had what looked like a huge dent right above her right eye, and it was already purple. There were spots under the skin where she had obviously broken some blood vessels, and it just overall looked really frightening. We almost took her to the hospital, but when she started settling down, Dan was able to do some quick diagnostic-type tests and we decided to just see how things went. Her mood improved and she went mostly back to normal, although you could tell she probably had a massive headache... but she wasn't stumbling, disoriented, spacey, etc., not appearing nauseous or vomiting, pupil response to light was normal, so we decided just to see how she is tomorrow. In other news, she cut one molar, is working on a second molar, and is rarely seen without fingers or toys in her mouth.